{"id":12,"date":"2006-02-15T13:30:13","date_gmt":"2006-02-15T21:30:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jaschu.7au.net\/2006\/02\/15\/a-request-or-two-for-that-guy-receiving-a-blowjob-while-driving-on-the-highway\/"},"modified":"2006-02-15T13:30:13","modified_gmt":"2006-02-15T21:30:13","slug":"a-request-or-two-for-that-guy-receiving-a-blowjob-while-driving-on-the-highway","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jaschu.7au.net\/?p=12","title":{"rendered":"A request or two for that guy receiving a blowjob while driving on the highway"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi there. Wow, aren’t you<\/em> the lucky bastard! Sorry to interrupt, but me and my friend<\/a> are in the car behind you, and we’ve been watching what’s been going on. Now, far be it for me to put a damper on anyone’s pursuit of happiness, but just in case you forgot, we are on the 101 and it is the tail end of rush hour, and there are a lot more cars around you if you’d care to take a look, and we’re all screaming down the highway in the same direction. It’s a situation that can easily become perilous, you know? Do you want to be that guy<\/em> that had an accident? Ever see The World According to Garp<\/a> and that one scene when Robin Williams’ character comes home and wasn’t expecting the car in the driveway in which his wife is giving another guy a hummer? Remember how that ended? Plus there’s my life and my friend’s life to worry about. So! If you’re going to get a blowjob right at this moment, I have just a couple things to ask of you:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Keep your car in your lane.<\/strong>
    \nThis is what got me and my friend speculating on what was going on over there. I was optimistic and thinking you were just changing the radio. I’ve done that before, admittedly, reached over to change stations and started drifting. It’s easy. But you were… wiggling, for lack of a better word. Wiggling and drifting. And you did it twice. And then a third time. Now, for the record, my friend guessed “blowjob” from the get-go, but I didn’t believe it until we saw the head of your passenger lean over, go down, and not come back up. We wouldn’t be scrutinizing your vehicle so much had you not started steering like you were suddenly picking up alien transmissions that affected your motor-control. Also, people are trying to pass you and I don’t want to see you sideswipe them. Which brings me to:<\/li>\n
  2. Please maintain your speed.<\/strong>
    \nYou’re in the far left lane and you’re dropping below 50. That’s going to make a lot of people irritable and we’re going too fast for that shit. Or we’re trying to, but we’re stuck behind you. Pick it up, man.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Thank you. I know it’s a lot to juggle: velocity, steering, basic vehicular safety, living the fantasy, and millions of nerve endings in your pelvic region being coaxed into electrochemical bliss. I can dig that. However, perhaps it’d be better if you either pulled over to enjoy the blowjob, or stopped getting blown while you’re trying to drive. You don’t seem capable of doing it all, so why not just focus on one thing and do it well? Thataboy. Be safe out there.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Hi there. Wow, aren’t you the lucky bastard! Sorry to interrupt, but me and my friend are in the car behind you, and we’ve been watching what’s been going on. Now, far be it for me to put a damper on anyone’s pursuit of happiness, but just in case you forgot, we are on the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,62],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-driving","category-sex"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jaschu.7au.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jaschu.7au.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jaschu.7au.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jaschu.7au.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jaschu.7au.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jaschu.7au.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jaschu.7au.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jaschu.7au.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jaschu.7au.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}